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moulin rouge

May 2008

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May. 5th, 2008

musketeer

Never try to catch a falling box knife....

...Or you'll end up getting stitches. I have 3 in my left index finger.

Mar. 18th, 2008

muses

GOING ON VACATION!!!!

So I am leaving at one o'clock in the morning on the 20th to go to Portland for a much needed vacation. I'm so stressed I feel like a big ball of knots. I know that the minute I get to Marissa's house I'll turn into a small puddle of relaxtion. I don't know why but I feel so comfortable with Marissa when I'm hanging out with her I feel like nothing can bother me. She's totally the yin to my yang! I hope that I pass my classes. Gah I'm so tired! Well I'll post more later.

Mar. 15th, 2008

moulin rouge

Why am I always the bad guy?

I'm always yelling and telling people what to do. Maybe I should just stop caring and see if anyone notices...I bet they won't.

Feb. 28th, 2008

moulin rouge

I'm supposed to be doing homework.....

But I really don't want to. I'm so excited that my birthday is coming up soon! I can't wait. I'm going to have a party with some girlfriends and then I'm going to Vancouver...teh wootness!

Feb. 14th, 2008

audrey

I'm so lazy...Oh and happy V day everyone!

I decided that I didn't want to go to my first class because I really don't want to draw with charcoal. I am going to my second class but all we're doing in there is watching a slideshow then I get to go home change, have my friend Coury pick me up and drive me around all day. Anyway other than that, Joel says that he's making me something in his jewelry class and last week I talked to his teacher (before Joel told me he was making me something) and he said that they would be making rings and putting settings in them....I'm really excited, Joel doesn't know that I know though so I really hope that I can act surprised. Well I will probably be surprised because I don't know what it's going to look like and I know it'll be unique so that's pretty awesome. Other than that I hope everyone has a romantic and sweet Valentine's day!

Feb. 7th, 2008

batman

Tiredness....

So lately I've been sleeping a lot due to the fact that I'm on pain pills but it seems that no matter how much sleep I get I'm still tired. I don't know if my pain is getting worse or better because I'm scared to stop taking the pills. The other day I didn't take any and I was in so much pain I could barely breath. So I guess the only thing that I can do is just lower my dosage and find out if my pain is as bad as it was the other day. Anyway other than that I'm doing okay. I'm a little behind in one of my classes but it'll be nothing to catch up as long as I sit down to get it done.

Feb. 5th, 2008

poison

Bruised and Broken

Well I fell on my icy steps the other day and now I have a few pulled muscles and a cracked rib. So I'm not a happy camper anyway other than that all is well.

Feb. 1st, 2008

moulin rouge

What a Relief

So it turns out that I was just really stressed out. I finally got my period...4 days late but it's here and I took a test yesterday so I'm fine. Not pregnant...Oh and to top it off I found a hundred dollars in a mud puddle on my way home from the store last night so I was able to go grocery shopping....I'm am so not stressed anymore which is rather nice!

Jan. 30th, 2008

moulin rouge

I think....

that I might be pregnant. I'm really scared! I was supposed to start my period yesterday and it has yet to arrive. Plus I've been nauseated but that may be from my meds. Anyway if I don't get my period by the first then I'm definatley prego...I don't know what to do...this is definatley not good if I am. How am I going to be a mommy so young? However I did know the consequences of having sex so that's my fault...I did use birth control but it doesn't always work but maybe I'm stressed for no reason and everythings going to be okay...I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Jan. 27th, 2008

moulin rouge

(no subject)

So I was in my basement going through some of my journals that I've kept over the years. I found one that had only one page of writing in it. I read it and I guess that what I wrote down was so hard for me that I completely repressed it, I don't even remember writing it. So I'm going to compile all my journals that I can find and go to a therapist. I'm not going to talk to the therapist I'll just have them evaluate me through my journal and see what happens, I'll probably get stuck in a looney bin.
Anyway in other news me and my FIANCE...that's right I said it. Are doing just fine. We're going to school and trying to make the best of life. We haven't really set a date yet, but it will be happening. So thats just a quick update.

Jan. 14th, 2008

moulin rouge

Running and getting no where fast!

College is so much more draining than highschool was. I am constantly stressed and I just don't know how to talk to my teachers. Gah, work sucks to I really need to find another job. Anyway that's about all I have to bitch about.

Dec. 10th, 2007

moulin rouge

I love Joel, but...

I'm sick off his fucking video games. I understand that he likes to play but come on 5 to 10 hours a day is just ridiculous. I ask him to walk me home from work sometimes and 9 times out of 10 when I call he's playing his games. He then continues to throw a fit that I asked him to walk me home, I really don't see what I'm doing wrong....Gah I'm uber pissed right now, but of course I refuse to tell him whats bothering me so obviously it's my fault that it continues. I just wish that he could for one minute understand what I want and that I just would like some goddamn appreciation. He works in Alaska every year for 3 months, granted it's hard work, I work all year round. It pisses me off that we're trying to live off of my tiny income. He doesn't even do the tiniest chores that I ask him to do. For example for the last two weeks there has been two full black bags off garbage in the back room of the house and every day before I've gone to work I've asked him nicely to take them out. THEY ARE STILL BACK THERE! I just don't know what to do right now. I want to wait till I calm down to say anything. I just don't know how I'm going to say it without being a total bitch.
On a happier note I'm going on my first plane ride. Joel and I are going to Alaska for Christmas...I'm really nervous about flying especially now that it's winter. Just a sec I hear something.....No way I actually think he's taking the garbage out at this very minute....WOOT!
So yeah that's pretty much it.

Dec. 1st, 2007

moulin rouge

What Do You Have To Say? - Give Me Something To Believe In

What do you believe in?

Brought to you by HP


View 500 Answers

love friends family honesty and respect

Sep. 26th, 2007

moulin rouge

(no subject)

So college isn't as hard as high school teachers lead us to believe but it's still a challenge.

Sep. 19th, 2007

moulin rouge

Long talks, short walks, and bus rides.

So today was my first day of college...I was really nervous at first and then I realized that it's high school all over again the only difference is you have to pay for everything! I only have 3 classes but I'm there for a full day. I'm an art major for those of you who were wondering. So my classes are pretty easy, one will require me to write papers but I'm okay with that. Anyway long story short I enjoyed it.
In other news I've been really depressed, a lot more than usual so Joel and I decided together that I should give anti depressants a try. I'm a little scared but I think it may be the right decision. However I do believe that my depression has something to do with me not talking to my mother any more...yes that's right I have completely cut my parents out of my life! Why I'm depressed about it..well I'm not really sure...
I thought that I had more to talk about but I guess I don't, however I don't remember what it was. I probably add more tomorrow...

Aug. 27th, 2007

moulin rouge

I'm losing an endless battle that was pointless to fight in the first place...

I want away from my family, not gonna happen. I want away from the grasping claws of that witch woman, that won't happen either. I want out of Spokane, I want to travel, I want it all...Alas I have lost the battle and I feel I won't be there for the war. Depression has consumed my every thought, movement, and minute. It exhausts me, pains me, yet I yearn for it. Yearn for the lonely sadness that is my existence, wanting in a way to be free, but consumed at the same time. Am I addicted to this misery or will I recover before I reach the bottom. I'm suffocating, unable to move or breathe. Scared of the life I have chosen, scared of the ones I surround myself with. I no longer trust them nor myself. What do I do? Do I take charge and force the happiness or do I just let it take me. It's so much easier to give up. Let me go, let this be it. I'm okay with goodbye, but is it worth the sadness, anger, and disappointment, they won't understand and I can't make them. I'll stick around to see what happens, I've always wanted to know the climax of the movie, if I go to the end I'll miss it all...

Aug. 10th, 2007

moulin rouge

Will it all just turn to memories?

Or will he still love me when he comes home, will he accept my flaws? Have I changed? Am I still in love with him....I'm so confused.

Aug. 8th, 2007

moulin rouge

Everything is so crazy!

My mind is all over the place. I keep thinking about all the things I should and could have done in the past and all the things I regret doing. I have gotten myself into a horrible depression that I try so hard to get out of, but it seems after all my hard work to keep myself happy, I fail miserably. I don't really have anyone to talk to about all my issues and all the things that are going through my head, however I'm not so sure that I want to talk to someone because I know they'll judge me. I hate this...

Jul. 20th, 2007

moulin rouge

Time to update

Well I have been working at Zips and I hate it, Joel is in Alaska, and my parents are truly getting a divorce this time. I know I have said multiple times that my parents are getting divorced but this time my mom has no choice. My parents moved in with my Grandma (mom's mom) a few months ago. Everything was fine and then my father started drinking again, they were at my Grandma's cabin and my father started arguing with my mother. Long story short my father left the Cabin in a drunken rage with my mother's car. When he got to my Grandma's house he broke in and grabbed his gun, where we all believe that he sat there waiting for my mother to come home and then after a while we think he got inpatient and left. Thankfully he left the gun on the sidewalk. He didn't tell anyone where he was going and after about a week I started to worry a little bit, mind you I knew nothing about what had happened, all my mother had told me was that he was missing and that he left after a small argument. I believe it was the next day he called me and told me that he was divorcing my mother, I was in complete shock, I have never heard those words escape my father's mouth. I've heard my mother say it for years and of course she always had good reason but she never acted on it. The last time I saw my father his was filling out divorce papers, he told me they were for work, however I'm not half as stupid as I look.
After seeing my father fill out the papers I thought that he would leave my mother alone and just continue on with his life like every other time they split up, I was wrong. I went and saw my mother on July 1st and I came back the 5th, my father knew that my brother drove me so he called and asked my brother to drive him to Montana, so reluctantly he did. By the time that they got there my father was wasted, and for some reason thought my mom was sleeping around. At first he was acting nice and then he proceeded to beat the shit out of my mom, my Grandma then called the cops, my father split. They didn't catch him and now he's somewhere in Spokane...I'm a little frightened that he'll come beat me. There is a restraining order but I don't think he cares. Anyway back to the gist of the story, my parents are in fact getting a divorce and all I can say is, finally!

Mar. 25th, 2007

moulin rouge

Life, love, and sacrifice.

I've been with Joel for a year and six months and it's been wonderful. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, but we always seem to work it out. The other day we got into a huge argument and he said that I was afraid of commitment which really had little or nothing to do with the argument, but then he said something that I couldn't believe, I was in such shock that I sopped breathing. He said that he wants to marry me.......wow! However I have to give up a few bad habits which is no problem for me so woot I am teh happy. But this time I'm being careful...because the last guy that said he wanted to marry me broke up with me, so I'm not getting my hopes too high.

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